This Is Where We Say Goodbye

Back when I met John, I knew him to be the 'outdoorsy' type. He loves wildlife. He loves his horses. And he LOVES being in the mountains, hunting wildlife with his horses.

On one of our first dates, John took me horseback riding. I rode 'Bruce' ( a friend's horse, who has now passed on) and John rode Cane. Cane got his name from the upside down cane-shaped white stripe on his nose. I could see instantly the love that John had for Cane and was amazed at what a remarkable animal Cane was. That was back in 1998.

Once John and I were engaged, John purchased another horse, 'Chief'. Because Chief was a bit bouncy and unpredictable when we first got him, John was nice enough to let me ride Cane and enjoy his stability and ease. We went on many a ride together. Cane loved to be the leader of the pack and sometimes I got a bit freaked out by his stealth and speed. One time in particular, I couldn't get him to stop and he was galloping all over the field with me on his back. Until John came to my rescue, that is. Luckily, I have since become a better rider.

Cane saved my life once. We were up at John's parent's cabin riding along the dirt road. The speed limit is 10 mph. Some idiot drove by in a truck with a trailor attached going at least 50. We were on the edge of the dirt road. When the truck went by us, Chief got spooked and made Cane jump and lose his footing. I was on Cane and went almost completely over the cliff. I thought I was dead. But somehow, some way, that remarkable horse got his footing and lifted me back up onto the road. I remember thanking him and crying on his mane.

John has told me the story of how years ago, when he and Cane were on a ride, Cane and John were crossing a rapid river that was deeper than either of them realized. John saved Cane's life by holding his nose above water. And from then on, the bond between the two of them was pretty much as unbreakable as it gets.


Two nights ago, we said goodbye to that dear, old friend. It was a sad, heartfelt goodbye met with lots and LOTS of tears. He was 22. John has had that horse for 17 years. That's a long time to have an animal. An animal who is more than just an animal. He was family.

He's all Levi has ever known.


Telling Levi was the hardest part. I don't think I've ever seen him so sad in all my life. We are still mourning the loss. Every time we think we're doing okay, we have sad waves that hit. I think I've cried over Cane more than any cat I've ever owned (and for those of you who know me well, that's sayin' something. I LOVED my cats.)

Saying Goodbye. If Levi's face doesn't make you cry, I don't know what would. I cry just looking at this picture.


Levi's goodbye...


Cane, you are already sorely missed. By all of us. Chief's sad whinnying outside is a constant reminder that you're no longer there. Even our neighbor came over tonight and said that it feels like your loss left a hole in the entire neighborhood. Thank-You for letting us enjoy you and ride on your back. Thank-you for bringing my boy such enjoyment and keeping him safe in the mountains.

But most importantly, thank-you for not only saving my life, but saving John's.


He loved you most of all.


Goodbye, old friend. We love and miss you.