I might as well name this episode 'All about Kasey' because that guy gave me so much material I couldn't write fast enough. To celebrate Kasey's departure (yay.), I will list a few of my favorite quotes of his from last night's episode. But before I do this, you must imagine in your head that everything I list is said with a mouth full food. Or better yet, ya know when you have a big mouth load of potatoes and you get a bunch stuck in your throat and then you try to talk to someone and your voice goes all weird and creates a bubble because you have potatoes stuck in your throat? It's like that.
I have bolded Kasey's favorite word which has quickly become my least favorite.
Jeanelle is right. Kasey really doesn't have lips.
"I'm here to guard and protect Ali's heart"
"I want to show Ali my heart and I want her to show me hers."
"I'm Kasey. I'm a dreamer. I'm a believer. I love to love, I love to give, I love to share"
"Pain is nothing to me. I like pain"
"I need to be a man for that woman"
"I'm always going to try and protect Ali's heart because that's how my heart is. I've got the biggest heart in the world and I'm going to wear my heart on my sleeve."
"My tattoo is who I am. My heart, my emotions, my body and now no one can take it from me because it's on my body."
"I want my future wife to guard and protect my heart too"
"At the end of this thing, I'll be sittin' there on one knee and she'll say 'Yes. I do want to spend the rest of my life with you, Kasey' "
Also, I must mention the sweatshirt that Kasey wore around his neck like a scarf. And then the burberry scarf that he wore later which just made him look like a dork; especially because he wore it with a huge blue snow coat.
At the end of Kasey's road when Ali sent him home in the middle of nowhere on a glacier, her parting words to him were, "Something just wasn't there".
I think what 'wasn't there' was the restraining order Ali hadn't yet taken out on Kasey.
He is psychotic. And as if it wasn't enough torture to hear him speak, he had to sing last week and then this week he recited poetry.
SO. SO. Hilarious that they put up subtitles so you could understand (or not understand ?) what he was saying.
Kirk got the one on one date with Ali. It begins with Ali running up to Kirk whilst NOT MOVING HER ARMS. Seriously, if you haven't seen the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine's co-worker doesn't move her arms when she walks, you must. Totally Ali.
Ya know, Kirk hasn't really been a favorite of mine. I'm not really sure why. He just isn't. But then he launched into his story about his loss of nerve function, weight loss and bad speech and I started feeling all sorry for the guy. I was sure at the end of his sad story, he was going to tell Ali about the brain tumor he had removed. And I think Ali thought the same thing. Did you see her 'deer in the headlights' look as Kirk was talking?
But it turns out it wasn't a tumor OR cancer OR MS OR some other sort of horrible disease he had. Nope. It turns out that the whole thing was caused by mold exposure.
Mold exposure! Which I get is a REAL thing. I don't want to sound unsympathetic. But mold, hmmm... it just didn't 'get' me enough like a tumor would have so I went back to not liking him. Maybe he's just too 'ruddy' for me. That and every time he hugs Ali, he does it with a claw-like grasp.
Ty, Chris L., Frank, Chris N., Craig R., and Roberto were the ones who got the group date with Ali. My favorite part of this episode was watching Craig R. (quite possibly the largest guy in the group) get the smallest horse to ride. His feet were literally two inches from touching the ground. And quite frankly, EVERYONE looked pretty ridiculous on their horses because they were all wearing MASSIVE blue SNOWSUITS and all the horses were like stunted or something. Craig R's horse looked like a pony though. And it was funny. REALLY funny.
*Post Edit*
And while we're talking about Craig R., I have to mention how he won my heart at the rose ceremony when he told Ali he did something special for her and then lifted up his sleeve to show her a drawn on tattoo like Kasey's. It was hysterical. Brownie points for Craig!
The group date got to go exploring in an ice cave and then go to the hot pot Blue Lagoon Lake (which definitely looked like a pretty awesome place). Ali stripped off her blue snow suit to show a teeny blue bikini and all the boys jumped in afterward. Then we got to watch Frank show off his severe insecurities while he kept checking to see what Ali and the other guys were doing all the while pining and feeling sorry for himself. And for the record, I'm pretty certain that Frank doesn't blink. Like, ever. And his eyes are so focused and google-y. And then when he wears his glasses with the super thick lenses, he's got double the problem. That stare of his is just downright stalker-ish. Yowza.
I have three favorites of the guys that are left. Here they are in order from least favorite to most favorite:
Chris L.
I still really like him, but I'm trying to figure him out. And WHAT IS WITH HIS LACK OF FORMAL ATTIRE AT THE ROSE CEREMONIES? Let me tell ya a little secret, Chris. We all get that you're a casual, free-spirited kind of dude, but your untucked semi-wrinkled button down and super messy look-like-you-slept-on-it hair is NOT doing you any favors, big boy.
Ty
If Ty would get rid of that sick necklace he wears 24/7, he might become my favorite. He's got the whole 'southern gentleman' thing going for him and he definitely showed Ali he's got a lot more self-confidence than a lot of the other guys.
Roberto
(this picture doesn't do him justice. It looks oddly airbrushed or something)
Unfortunately we didn't get to see a lot of Roberto this past episode. A damn shame! My problem with Roberto is Ali's lack of self-confidence when she's with him. I don't think she thinks she's good enough for him and most men like confident women. I don't think it's going to work out between she and Roberto if she doesn't quit acting like an undeserving pansy when she's with him. And while we're at it, knock off the baby voice, Ali. It's annoying.
When we get to the rose ceremony, the WISE Chris Harrison acts the part of Yoda for Ali.
"Afraid to fall in love, you are" says yodaChris
"Yes", says Ali. "I'm afraid of getting my heart broken"
"Chosen psychopath Kasey, you should have then. Guard and protect your heart, he would have." says yodaChris (but not really)
"You're absolutely right, yodaChris! I should have chosen lipless Kasey!" says Ali.
(but not really)
The least shocking rose ceremony EVER happened with the SUPER obvious choice of getting rid of Chris N. He's seriously not even worth my time to write about. But here's a picture. You can see the dullness factor in his eyes. Dull. Dull. Dull. And a definite waste of blog space.
Here's hoping that next week the guy with the 'girlfriend' who causes Ali to go all frenzied and psychotic turns out to be none other than Justin a.k.a. 'Rated R'. I tried to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, but his smugness and constant 'gloat-face' has me wanting him to be embarrassed on national TV.
Stay tuned for next week when Lindsey recaps.
In the meantime, please leave me some comment love and tell me your thoughts and picks on last night's episode...
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32 comments:
Awesome. For the first time in a long time, I actually watched "Ali-ette" the night it aired. Miracles do happen!
Okay. I laughed so hard when Casey (Kasey?) had to wait in the freezing tundra, while Justin and Ali were trying to snuggle on top of the ultra-thin, blanket covered, ice block, couch. And did you notice the constant sniffing? I kept imagining the snot trails, trickling down everyone's face. Nice one producers. And then when she dumped Kasey (Casey?) and left him alone in the vast, empty, cold, tundra... priceless. This kind of television material would make a good tv movie series. But then Casey (Kasey?) will always have that stupid tattoo to pull him through.
Beefcake "Rated R" needs to go. Sick of his smuggness. Dork.
I really like Roberto also. Ali, get a grip. "I would have never approached you. I would have thought you were too hot for me." Pa-lease!
The moment that really got to me was when Craig N.? (the lawyer), colored a fake tattoo on his wrist, making fun of Kasey (Casey?). That spoke to me. He IS a kindred spirit.
Keep up the awesome updates friend! And I'm glad to hear that everything is well with you and might I add... I experienced a little celebration within my heart to hear that you are finger-tip sized dialated. There's something wrong with that picture.
Oh Holly...that was hilarious. I almost peed my pants.
Jen! I can't believe I forgot to mention Craig's fake tattoo! I totally had it written down. CRAP!!!
That was quite possibly the best part of the show. What is wrong with me?
Okay, I fixed it Jen.
I did a post edit about Craig. Still dying that I almost forgot him!
Oh, and I think it's 'Kasey' which makes him THAT. MUCH. MORE. ANNOYING.
Um, first of all, your posts are superior to mine because you make other social/entertainment references that are just so stinkin' hilarious that i can hardly handle it. That, and the fact that you photoshopped Chris Harrison's face into Yoda because Chris was playing "armchair physciatrist" Hilarious. Truly hilarious. I didn't catch most of of the references that you made, so, now. . . I have to watch it again! :) I stinking love you.
And Jen? Could you be more funny in typing Casey(Kasey?) over and over again. HA! Too funny.
And Stupid Jake and Vienna. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, Dumb. Jake irritated me so bad on DWTS I can barely stand to look at him now!
Okay, and I can't believe you didn't mention Craig's fake tatoo, because that was completely hilarious and a very bold move, but completely hilarious all the same. Too stinkin' funny. I would have aske him to propose on the spot because I gotta have me a funny funny man. Oh wait, I do.
And, I just want to leave another comment, because I feel like it. Thank you..
And because who doesn't LOVE seeing 20 comments in their in box. I know I DO!
And that top pic of Ali is so hilarious because it looks like she is surprised that she is growing a third hand out of her hair! Is it just me? Or does that what her hair looks like it is doing?
I was about to die if I heard Kasey say HEART one more time. OH MY GOODNESS. He is clueless. I loved it when Fred was trying to talk to him and you could see Fred trying not to laugh while Kasey was saying "he needed to be a man for her!" Oh my, so many funny parts. Do you think Chris is kind of forceful when he kisses? He seems a little too aggressive, it's funny. He's so cute though. I really like Kirk, what's your problem! I can't wait to finish the episodes. This season rocks I think!
Lindsey, I love you for your comment love. And Ali's hair DOES look like a third hand! FOR REAL!
oh boy! I can't even think of anything to add because you always say exactly what I was thinking. I really thought it was funny that Ali was cracking up at Craig's "tattoo".
I can't wait til next week to see who has the girlfriend. The obvious choice is Rated R but it didn't look like him when they showed the preview...it looked like Kirk to me. Ali seemed REALLY upset, and i don't know if she would be that upset about Rated R having a girlfriend. They don't really have the strongest connection.
Side note, I totally had a dream that I was Ali last night and I was totally into Ty...MMMMMMM
ok ok I need to comment. I just love the updates miss Holl. I am such a loser and I freakin look at the stupid spoilers. (I am leaving for another country soon and I can't live without knowing the end)
Let me just say that I know what is going to happen and I still love the drama. Ha I love to watch the crazies that come out to play on this show. Seriously, it must be a question in the application. "Have you, or will you sometime soon act like a psychopath in public?"
I really think the only one I like is Roberto. Well, and Chris a little bit but I hate how the only thing they talk about is his family.
Oh and lastly,
Dear Vienna,
never wear a bikini again and face your cottage cheese butt to the camera.
Thank you,
Kelly
I just read the "news" about Vienna Sausage and Jake the Flake... broken up. Engagement off. Did not all of society call it, or what?
I guess Jake is claiming that Vienaa cheated on him. Um, really Jake!?!?! Snort, sarcastic chuckle, (SLAP!) That was my hand hitting you up side your fat head. Stupid fat head.
And even better... Vienna is calling Jake a "fame whore". Takes one to know one.
And that is all I have to say about that.
My heart just leaped for joy when I saw that you added the *post edit about the fake tattoo. Well done!
you swore!
Okay, LOVE the mashed potatoes comment. HILARIOUS. that's exactly what it is. And I hate his laugh - HATE. And I think he's basically a little less awkward Napoleon Dynamite. When Kasey said "that's why I got this tattoo - to BE someone." The way he emphasized BE just reminded me of Napoleon's "GOSH."
Chris N's poem? Painful and so awkward. What is wrong with him? And seriously how did he last so long being so invisible and personality-less?
Were those horses or shetland ponies? It was hilarious watching them ride.
We chatted about this on FB but I like Kirk way less after tonight's show too. It isn't really his looks but the whole "fix me, make me better" speech. Lame. And you know the mold society or whatever has called him to be their next spokesperson.
Ty - jury is still out...but his stock improved a bit this week.
Okay, Holly...seriously? My boyfriend Chris Harrison as Yoda? You kill me with your awesomeness. Love you girly!
Okay, had to come back and say Kasey's stupid scarf WITH the ridiculous hat? Bwahahahahahaha. Total dork. Freaky stalker-wannabe. Oh and the coughing outside of the cave? HYSTERICAL! And I didn't ever see her run, dang it.
Hey, totally off the subject...but I love your new profile pic on your sidebar!! Did you just change it because it is still the original picture in the comments you made here.
I agree...always a LOVELY experience getting checked...*shudder*...
Once again...spot.on.
Dying of laughter!
Very well said!! I can't wait for next week, it looks like it will be a good one, although, I don't think it will be Rated R who leaves the show, I think it might be Frank, but I oculd be wrong. Frank is really buggin right now. My fav is Chris and Ty. My predictions for the final 4 are Chris, Ty, Roberto, and Kirk. But we will have to see!! I love this show!! Thanks for the update! So glad you are doing well, let me know if you need anything! :) I can't wait to find out what your having!!!!! So exciting!!!
ME-OW!!! Saucer of milk, anyone? ;-)
Holly, you are hilarious! It is definitely a detox for me to read these funny updates. I am still laughing.
I love the part about Ali running without moving her arms. I do remember that Seinfeld episode. Funny!
I think Jillisn Michaels from "The Biggest Loser" needs to visit the set and and help some of these men. It just seems that some of them need...help.
I have just peed my pants. Holly, I love you.
Potatoes stuck in your throat... restraining order...
I haven't laughed this hard since they showed Ali's helicopter leaving Kasey alone to die on that glacier.
Oh, and I like Justin for some reason. I know, I am the only one in the world. I can't put my finger on why... he just wormed his way into my HEART for some reason.
Guard.
And protect.
My heart.
What's up with all of the guy standing in front of the blue background that I had in junior high...many many years ago?
You are hilarious!!! Love ya!
ouch on the meow! not nice.
Roberto looks like he is wearing guyliner. I wish I had counted how many times Kasey said, "guard and protect your heart."
I love these posts.
There is a face in the hole for every occasion. Brilliant.
May I have some cookies with my milk?
Yes I am barely getting around to read your update... I haven't even watched last nights episode yet, gasp.
I too gave Justin the benefit of the doubt, but I too want him to be the one with the girlfriend. He is driving me crazy with his smirk all the time, like he's got this in the bag. And what's with all the referrals to the wrestling world?? Get over it dude, your not becoming famous from The Bachelorette.
I have to disagree on one thing though, I like Kirk, or I am starting to like Kirk... but my favorite is Roberto. Not sure I am a big fan of Frank, something about him bugs me and freaks me out.
Funny post as always, you make me laugh when I need to!
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