Jake the Flying Bachelor - The Final SUPER ANNOYING (but not the least bit surprising) EPISODE

Okay. So Jake pics Vienna. Shock of the century, right? Puhlease. We all knew it was coming. We all prepared ourselves. And I don't know about you, but I definitely enjoyed it more knowing the outcome. That way I could talk myself down, ya know... with a pep talk about how it's just a show and how this show, in particular, NEVER makes you happy at the end. Whew! I'm so glad my expectations AND my standards were already lowered. Otherwise this show and me were NEVER going to get along. What a relief to know I can watch another season of this trash in May. It's the little blessings in life like this that help you along, ya know?


Jake's family:
The Jakey mom has really bad hair, but not nearly as bad as the Jakey sister-in-law who wore the ugly white flower thing.

The Jakey mom's blue dress and the sister-in-law blue matchy dress? Just when I thought the cheese couldn't get worse, there's matching.

Did the Jakey mom remind of you of Glenn Close in 'Fatal Attraction'? That's ironic, right?

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING was more cornball than this scene:


Family pool time? IN clothes? With a group hug? No. Seriously?

Did any of you get the sense that Jake's dad was going to come after him for not picking Tenley? I think Jake's dad may have finally found his ideal woman in her. What, with all that chin quivering and all.

I really enjoyed the fact that at first it seemed like the Jakey family was going to despise Vienna like the rest of us. But with the cameras there and the whole, what, HOUR they got to spend with her, they decided she had redeemed herself and she was worthy of Jake's love. (Eyes Rolling.)

To Jake's mom: It's 'Sisters-in-law' NOT 'Sister-in-laws'.

Jakes one on one time with Vienna:
Jake and Vienna deserve each other after that disgusting mud scene we had to watch.

Writing on Jake's muddy chest. Ew.

Vienna's blurred out (in the same color of her bikini bottoms) butt cheeks for our viewing pleasure.

Jake saying, "Alarmingly hot"

Vienna's oh so very bad roots

The phrase "Falling in love so deeply" used over and over again.

The Tenley one on one time:
Jake using the word 'positivity'. It is a real word, but when he uses it, it sounds made up.

Jake's family clearly liked Tenley more. But Jake must have taken his parents in the back room and told them they better shape up because he WAS going to pick Vienna. That's when Jake's mom decided she suddenly liked Vienna. She had to. For TV purposes.

The fact that he gave his parents a warning about Vienna before they met her tells me he already knew that they were going to love Tenley more since they met her first and she's CLEARLY the better choice. He was put on the defense and starts listing things about Vienna that will actually annoy him in the long run but for now he just finds them 'endearing'.

When Jake and Tenley were on the boat and Jake was acting all distant, I think he knew that Vienna was going to be his choice by then and he didn't want to waste any time with Tenley anymore. He actually had to fake it with her. It was sooooooo obvious. Also, when he said he was 'just tired' when Tenley asked what was wrong, she should have taken that as a sign that he wasn't into her and bolted right then.

On a bright note, Tenley clearly had the better place to stay. I loved her cute little villa.

The final rose:
Ya know how Jake was saying how he didn't know who he was going to choose? He lies like a dog. I didn't buy it for a second. I think that animal magnetism kept calling him back to Vienna (though it made the rest of us barf in our mouths) and he just couldn't get enough of her.

Did you sort of wonder why Vienna didn't do her makeup like she did for the final rose ceremony ALL the time? Her use of eyeshadow is just BAD. She will always look like a horse, that's a fact, but with better eye makeup at least she could look like a semi-attractive horse. No?

Does Vienna wear any other color than teal? Teal and hot pink, teal and hot pink, but mostly just teal. I counted the hideous TEAL ruffle bikini in the end and they showed it 5 times just in clips. That thing needs to be burned.

I was bummed that Tenley wanted to know why she wasn't picked so badly. I get it. It's a natural reaction when you feel like you have a connection with someone, but I wanted her to get out of there quick and not carry on so much. Also, Jake made it last way too long with her. He made it worse. He makes EVERYTHING worse.

Jake saying 'Amazing Woman' all the time makes me cringe to the MAX. Someone hand that guy a thesaurus!

After the Final Rose:
Once again, I was dissapointed with Tenley. Why on EARTH would she want to be Jake's 'friend'?

Tenley is classy. Everything she did including her exit was classy. Aren't you so relieved she doesn't have to be with a butt like Jake for the rest of her life? I'd say she dodged a huge bullet.

Jake answered all of Tenley's questions just really REALLY badly. And then later on in the show he goes on to say what a great communicator he's become. Wha?!

The biggest news of the evening:
Vienna totally had a nose job, some possible facial reconstruction of some sort and some definite weight loss. If you're an expert in plastic surgery and can tell exactly what sort of work she's had done, I would LOVE to know.

Vienna tried really hard to hide her white-trash image, but it was still there. I didn't buy the sweet, sweet artificial I'm-really-a-nice-girl-crap for one second.

And the actual singing of 'On the Wings of Love'?!! So corny I almost just had to like it. Is this the beginning of a new trend? A theme song for every season of The Bachelor?

Not a huge surprise that Ali is the new Bachelorette. After she apologized for her mean Vienna comments on TV last week, it was pretty obvious that was the next move. I can't wait to watch!


For all you non-bachelor watchers out there, I apologize that this has been so dominant on my blog as of late. I promise to put more quality stuff on soon. I'm sick of my recaps too. Thanks for hanging in there.

For the rest of you, please share your thoughts on last night's 3 hour drama. And don't forget to include your opinions about Vienna's plastic surgery.


....a horse is a horse, of course, of course... ♪♫♪