Jake the Flying Bachelor Episode 2

Wow. The drama is so exciting, right??!! First off let me say that I have severely dissapointed my husband. Because I know so many of you rely on my trashy updates, I decided to take a few notes so I wouldn't forget the trashy details. John saw this and said, "Really? It's come to this?" and then let out a really loud, dissapointed sigh. Years ago when this show first started, I used to have his support and we'd watch together. But now? Wow. Look what nearly 10 years of marriage will do to a person. It's sad he can't support me in this sad obsession. It really is.



Jake has been more fun to watch than I originally gave him credit for. Like him or not, he's a pretty stand-up guy (ya know, minus the fact that he can't quit looking at all the girls' boobs) and I think he's in this for the right reasons. Plus, the cheese factor was a little lower than usual this past episode. I want to say I'm happy about it, but I was really looking forward to it so I could make fun of it in this post. Maybe next week.

First off, Vienna. Believe it or not I really don't have too much to say about her at this point besides the fact that she definitely bothers me and she's starting to look more like a man by the minute. Also, is it just me or have you noticed that sometimes when she talks one of her eyes goes cross-eyed?


Next, Christina:



Christina, I was really rooting for you, girl. I like that your boobs aren't abnormally proportioned to the rest of your body and that you haven't had huge lip injections. I really loved how she didn't feel comfortable at the photoshoot. It was so annoying that so many of the other girls were so at home. I mean, that would give anyone a panic attack. Right? Also, I'm always rooting for the underdog who doesn't really belong with the tramps. But she wasn't catty in any of her comments, just factual. I hate to even say it, but I think her drunk rant and singing the Twilight Zone theme probably didn't help her chances too much either. Bye Christina!

So far, all I know about Ashleigh is that she tramped herself up and came out walking in a bikini at the end of the group date. Yes, all the girls got in their bikinis eventually, but she was first... and that makes her forward and trampy. Other than that, I have NO INFORMATION about her. She's sort of a mystery.



Next up, I will post 4 girls' pictures that we, as an audience, really know NOTHING about. But it helps to put a face to a name so here they are in random order. And really and truly, when I say that I know nothing about any of these girls, I mean it. But they're still on the show so therefore we must get to know them.

First, Kathryn (who probably has to spell her name for everyone she meets because she spells it odd.):



Next, Jessie (but Jake called her Jessica. Does that mean she likes Jessie better? Hmmm):



Corrie. We haven't seen her too much, but I think she has a good chance. She was crying during the whole heartfelt speech from Jake, afterall. Plus, she's cute and I think she has lasting power:



And lastly, Valisha (who's name coincidentally reminds me of another 'V' word, but I won't go there). We've seen 'Val' (that's my new nickname for her. Believe me. It's better than my other one) maybe two total times on the show. She's a mystery.



You thought I was kidding when I said I didn't have anything to say about the previous four girls, didn't you? I don't kid about The Bachelor.

Another girl who is a bit mysterious to me is Ella. I can't get past her gigantic lip injections to decide. I like her single mom thing, but the jury is still out on whether I like her or not. Give me some more time on Ella. I'll get back to you.

Gia:

She definitely has the whole sexy thing going and I would really love to look like her in a bikini. Who am I kidding? I'd like to look like ANY of these girls in a bikini. Ya know, if I could wear one, but that's besides the point. I think she also has some staying power, but it's too early to say why. I'll get back to you.

Elizabeth:



I quite suddenly don't like her anymore. I found her greasy, stringy hair to be yucky (yes, if you read my previous post this may sound hypocritical. Perhaps I should have added 'hypocrit' to my list) and her whole note escapade totally annoying and stupid. Also, how retarded was it when she said, "This note to you is just like me. Naked and Natural. It's ME." GAG!!! I was so embarrassed for her when she read it in her little girl voice. Also, the whole 'I don't want any kisses from you unless I can have you forever' line is such a load of CRAP!! She's playing hard to get with him and what's worse is that Jake is stupid enough to go for it. What made me really seal the deal in my annoyance for her is that she kept teasing him with her annoying rule of not being able to kiss her. "You wanna kiss me now, don't you?" Ha ha! "Too bad!" The only thing that makes me happy about Elizabeth is that I think the whole no kissing thing might be fun for her now, but she's going to feel pretty bad when she's the only one in the house not getting kissed. And that makes me so happy.

Michelle:
Here's a list of words I wrote whenever she came on the TV:


CRAZY
DESPERATE
FREAK
TRYING TO GET ATTENTION
FAKE PACKER
BABY
There aren't enough words for how crazy she is making herself look. The totally psycho ones are the hardest and yet funnest to watch though. It's sad she's going to go back to her normal life after this and every guy on the planet is going to avoid her like the plague.

I don't have too much to say about Tenley just yet, but I was bummed she didn't tell Jake about her divorce. Also, did you see the snippet at the end where she was pretending to be a giraffe? HA HA HA! I laughed out loud.



Ali:

Oh, Ali. You are the most normal girl, wholesome girl (except for that possible F?bomb you possibly dropped when the cheater news was announced) on the whole show. I like you Ali. I'm even willing to forgive the fact that you wore yet ANOTHER yellow dress on your date with Jake. Yes. We noticed.
When Ali and Jake went flying and they busted out the 'On the Wings of Love' song again, I literally lost it. I mean, tears were streaming and juice (because I like juice at night) was coming out of my mouth from the laughter. Man, oh man, I can't ever take that song seriously again in my life. I really hope they play it on every episode. It will mean so much to me.
I liked that Ali let Jake kiss her instead of the other way around. I really think there is a lot of chemistry between Jake and Ali. Ah, I just realized that it sounds like that show 'Kate and Ali'. Now they really need to get married. And speaking of the name Jake, wasn't it hilarious how she named of all the guys she's dated that start with 'J'? Crazy! Ali is non-trashy, non-desperate and she's pretty and natural.
Off the subject, but didn't 'Chicago' sound like crap on their one on one date? Is it just me?

Thanks for your patience. I know most of you were waiting to hear the biggest dirt of all....
"The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony EVER!"

and it sort of was.



I really enjoyed watching Chris Harrison lecture Rozlyn about her 'inappropriate relationship' and how, at first, Rozlyn played dumb to the whole thing. Every time she nodded, she looked more guilty than the last time. I am curious, however, when the whole relationship started with she and 'The Bachelor' producer. Did it happen before she knew who The Bachelor even was or was it going on behind the scenes DURING FILMING with the present Bachelor, Jake? Does anyone know? I'm just curious how much of a tramp she actually was. Also, I'm so glad she's gone. Her boob bouncin' and all-around snobbiness was too much to handle. Also, let's not forget the 'goods-flashin'' She wasn't even embarrassed. We should have known right then from that incident that she was the bad egg. Can you believe how quickly she came on to Jake? And the whole gross kissing incident? And how annoying it was that Jake gave her a rose after she threw herself and her gigantic boobs all over him? I loved how she said, "My personal life isn't anybody's business." REALLY??! Even when you're gettin' it on with the producer of the TV show you're on to find real love? REALLY??!


And this sort of drama, my friends is why I love this trashy show so much. I can't wait for next week.

Your thoughts on this week's episode, please. You know I need them to keep me going.